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Monthly Archives: May 2013

The agony of Fridays

These past few months I haven’t been able to write. Believe me I have tried on numerous occasions to begin to put into words how I have been coping.
Friday march 8th 2013 my whole world was turned upside down and thrown into utter chaos. Throughout my life there was one person in this world who I could always turn to, who I told everything to, who was in fact my best friend and guardian angel on this earth, the one person who always got me through, my hero, my own personal amazon, my grandmother. She was so many things to me and on Friday march 8th 2013 my grandmother slipped out of this world and to another…. I emphasise Friday because I dread Fridays now. Friday used to be my favourite day of the week…the day we would all get together at my mum and dads house, where we would gossip and give off like raving lunatics about one another.
Now I dread Fridays and as the clock turned midnight tonight and it passed from Thursday to Friday I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. Will every Friday be like this forever?
It’s been almost 3 months since you left us granny and there’s not a minute I don’t think of you and what your reactions would be to some of the idiotic things I do … Like baking soda in my footpath -yeah that burnt like mad! You would have almost wet yourself laughing at me.
I drove in the sun today on the way to see you and feeling the heat of the sun on my skin made me think of you sitting in the car beside me giving me orders and telling me off about the way I conducted my daily affairs and then I’d say but I’m your favourite over and over again til you’d say I’ll slap your jaws you bloody cat ye.
Oh how I miss your intrusive demanding ways and how I would give my left arm to have you sitting beside me telling me where we were going next but the thing is no matter how much I wish for something I don’t have my fairy godmother here anymore to grant me my one wish.
I can’t remember a day going by without talking to you so when I pick up the courage sometimes I listen to your voicemails but not too often because it drives me crazy that I can’t ring you back and talk to you.there are so many things I wanted to ask you about and so many questions I had to ask you I dread Fridays because they remind me you are gone and I can’t call in with you anymore and lie up on the bed beside you and watch judge John deed or heartbeat.
I plucked up the courage on Monday to throw out half of my old wardrobe and didn’t want to part with any of it because of course there was always a memory of you associated with everything I own. I hung up the scarves I picked out from your clothes from after you passed away and as I was hanging them up I caught your scent and held them to my face for what seemed an eternity. those precious few moments remembering your smell your laugh and your eyes. I miss you so much granny. I actually believed you were invincible, what else other than a true life superhero could withstand coming back from being on a life support machine being turned off and coming back round for round 2 and living for another 5 years!
You really were such a fighter granny and I wouldn’t have half of your guts but i would give anything a good go. I don’t know if i will ever smile to see a Friday come around again, I hope I will. X

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Posted by on May 31, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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